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So I had another bad phonecall from my Mother. I dunno why I keep trying. But as usual, I keep trying. She said that when I choose to be nice and sweet to people that I am good to be around but otherwise, Iapos;m not wanted to be around. She said that I could cancel acupuncture until I was ready but then said that canceling it would be because I donapos;t know whatapos;s best for me. The call ended with me pleading, in tears to her to tell me why I am not good enough for her and telling her I cannot do it anymore with her and saying goodbye. I am still going to my stupid acupuncture appointment tomorrow because I feel too guilty to cancel.

I bought a 12 pack of cheap razors, the ones without the moisturizing strip, because its better that way with full intention of not using them to shave my legs. So I know itapos;s basically like buying a bottle of alcohol for a dinner party that is 2 months away. Itapos;s a pure set-up and Iapos;m only torturing myself with temptation.

If I could drink and know that the results would not be too negative, I absolutely would because the numbing effects last longer but here I am...

I am really hating myself right now.

I have eaten all day, constantly and I know I am really going to feel bad over this tomorrow....

I feel bad now...

I just keep wondering when I will finally be ok.
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