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My mindapos;s a mess.
my mindapos;s like an atomic bomb, exploding inside out.
my mindapos;s like a black hole, eating up everything within, leaving no trace.

i wish that was me,
leaving no trace.
then you wouldnapos;t have to deal with me
then you wouldnapos;t have to pick up the pieces
then you wouldnapos;t have to see me barely get by, day by day.


sometimes i dream of floating away,
lighter than an autumn leaf, though not as beautiful,
floating to somewhere, somewhere where itapos;s quiet, still, and iapos;m

alone.
finally, alone.

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So I had another bad phonecall from my Mother. I dunno why I keep trying. But as usual, I keep trying. She said that when I choose to be nice and sweet to people that I am good to be around but otherwise, Iapos;m not wanted to be around. She said that I could cancel acupuncture until I was ready but then said that canceling it would be because I donapos;t know whatapos;s best for me. The call ended with me pleading, in tears to her to tell me why I am not good enough for her and telling her I cannot do it anymore with her and saying goodbye. I am still going to my stupid acupuncture appointment tomorrow because I feel too guilty to cancel.

I bought a 12 pack of cheap razors, the ones without the moisturizing strip, because its better that way with full intention of not using them to shave my legs. So I know itapos;s basically like buying a bottle of alcohol for a dinner party that is 2 months away. Itapos;s a pure set-up and Iapos;m only torturing myself with temptation.

If I could drink and know that the results would not be too negative, I absolutely would because the numbing effects last longer but here I am...

I am really hating myself right now.

I have eaten all day, constantly and I know I am really going to feel bad over this tomorrow....

I feel bad now...

I just keep wondering when I will finally be ok.
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So apparently getting ready for this move is like getting ready for Nationals, except packing/prepping for a month instead of a week. This means my head is constantly running with tasks, lists, schedules, budgets. The good news is, I can probably go to the gym, pack mail 4 more boxes (2 packed at midnight last night), get a costume and get my car to the shop by, you know, NOON. The other good news is that Iapos;m saving LOTS of money by not going out. Wish I started 6 months ago. Hope to keep that trend tonight, although I did ask a long-lost college friend out for beers pool, but I think heapos;s more of a hermit than I am. (Classical solo pianist/Painter/Bike Guy).

This healthy shit is Wack.

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Debut 2009,tous les programmes de television aux US seront emis en signal numerique. Bien entendu, les ondes sont saturees de pubs des compagnie de cable, satellite et autres, expliquant que si on souscrit a leurs services d'ici la, il n'y a aucun probleme. Les quelques rares organismes publics qui existent encore dans ce pays y vont de leur contre-pub pour expliquer qu'il ya des solutions moins cheres et qu'un simple adaptateur fera l'affaire... Mais ils ne s'y prennent pas toujours tres bien, alors bien sur, du coup, tout le monde y va de sa petite parodie.

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I want to get my car fixed (nothing really invasive) next week, but need some recommendations.� I live on the northeast side (near 183/290) so something east, central or north is okay.� What Iapos;m looking for...

- Fast turnaround (less than a week hopefully)
- Honest
- Not going to overcharge (Iapos;m bringing them an estimate from my insurance, but still paying out of pocket so to speak)�or "recommend" some other work to be done
- Near bus routes (have to get to work and home�somehow)

Thanks in advance.

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Itapos;s 9 am and Iapos;ve been here since eight thirty. Awake since six, so probably not very coherent. French oral today, at one, oh how I hate it. Havent finished my english essay either.
Iapos;m very disappointed. I just�read that NC will only be for fifteen days, not three weeks as advertised. I feel ripped off. Then again, it also counts for twelve rather than six credit points, if that form I handed in is to beleived, which I doubt.
Canapos;t get that stupid lady gaga song out of my head.

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Was in Moskow to talk with my new sponsors, Betty Rides. Then went skateboarding to Vorobapos;ovi mountains. There is a rather good skatepark under bridge. Tere were so many bmx riders It was really awful so i was in ramp almost all the time. There were 2 ramps, which were near each other, so that you can jump from one to another, but my level of skateboarding is not good anough for tricks like this, so i didnapos;t do them))) but i did 4 or 5 simple tricks, tried to jump on funbox, but there were too much bmxapos;ers
And now iapos;m in s-pb, riding, having fun, getting tired, feeling alive))))
Oh, recently, when i was riding street, i learnt pop-showit and i damaged my nouse about skate. I thought i broke it, but there was nothing serious, only 3-4 scratches and one big bruise=) and now itapos;s ok)
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